Strong. Fighting. Surviving.

I didn’t realize how much I missed the gym until I missed the gym. That’s chemobrain for ya. I drove past the exit without a second thought. After going around my ass to get to my elbows, I found myself in familar surroundings. While I didn’t see many familiar faces, I wouldn’t expect to after a three month hiatus.

As I was swimming, my thoughts focused on how I should start my blog. Do I take you back to the beginning? To early December, my very first appointment, when I instinctually knew my body was in trouble? Should I start with when I was finally diagnosed and I had my first round of chemo? Or do I fast forward to June when I heard the words ‘partial remission’?

After a few breathless laps, I decided to start with today. I’m a completely different person than I was then and I want you to get to know the current me, not the old me. I don’t think the old me was all that bad, but I would rather spend time with the new me. There will inevitably be references to my pre-cancer life, but my goal is to live in the moment and look forward to the future.

While swimming it occurred to me that no one in the pool knew me or the fact that I had cancer, it was my own little secret. It was so refreshing to be just another face in the crowd. I was merely another human being, eagerly seeking to be healthy and fit. Sometimes I miss being a nobody, being a normal person, with normal problems. Of course, I will never fit into the normal crowd again and, no offense, I don’t want to. I like being part of the cancer crowd. It’s a good crowd to be in. You’ll find that most of us are extremely determined, uncompromising, and yet compassionate and honest. I wasn’t asked if I wanted to join this crowd, but I’m glad I did. I have the unique opportunity to give you a glimpse inside the cancer crowd, who we are and what we want.

Welcome.