Hi. I’m Kate. Turn ons include IV drips, PETscans, and organic fig newtons. Turn offs include whining, hospital gowns, and artificial sugar.
Let’s see how much life I can squeeze in between work, chemo, sleep, and scans.
My Green Purse
I went through a period I call my ‘What’s the point?’ phase. For the five months following my diagnosis, I couldn’t spend any money on myself because, to be blunt, it felt like a waste. According to the experts, I wouldn’t be around long enough to enjoy a new pair of summer sandals so why bother spending the money?
Me, not shopping. This was very foreign concept. Tim gave me carte blanche on his Amex, but I aimlessly wandered the stores, and eventually left, empty-handed…the entire time thinking ‘What’s the point?’
Unfortunately, the ‘What’s the point’ phase wasn’t limited to just shopping. I didn’t see the point behind a lot of things. I went through the motions at work, sitting in meetings, not caring about the discussion topic. The controversy over cube sizes in the new office seemed ridiculous and meaningless. Statistically speaking, I wouldn’t have the opportunity to sit in one of the new cubes, and yet I had to spend my time listening to coworkers discuss the issue. Living for the short term is extremely difficult and is made even more challenging when you’re surrounded by people who are (by no fault of their own) living for the long term. Try planning a family cruise for the spring when you aren’t convinced you’ll make it through the holidays.
And then came my green purse.
I fell in love as soon as I saw it. Simple and stylish, I knew it was going home with me. My desire for the green purse immediately put an end to my ‘What’s the point’ phase. It was as if I found my future in the bottom of the purse, hidden under the paper stuffing. I felt immediate relief and, with my green purse on my shoulder, knew I could think about the future again.
It’s not always easy and I’m often caught off guard when forced to think about the future. Signing a two year contract for my new phone brought me to tears as did receiving a meeting request for October. But I know to expect these moments and try to maneuver through them as best I can.
Thanks to my green purse, I have my future back, but sorry, try as I might, I still don’t care about the size of the office cubes.
My grandfather used to say, “When you get to my age, you don’t buy green bananas”.
You know, when I was a kid - I was very frustrated with my mom wanting me to make my bed every day.
“Why should I make it when I’m just going to sleep in it again?”
But I love coming into my room and seeing the bed’s made and slipping into the clean, orderly sheets before I fall asleep.
Hate it when she’s right.
P.S. Your green purse rocks.
“It was as if I found my future in the bottom of the purse, hidden under the paper stuffing.” That string of words is perfection.
Great post, Kate - your green purse is such a metaphor, and sounds like a real corner-turner for you. Your green purse ALMOST rocks as much as you, girl!
I will have to add a purse to my “if I buy it it will make me smile & feel good ” list. Never think twice about a purchase that is not outrageous & makes you feel good. My list is getting very long….
Thank you for reminding me about what really does matter.
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