Hi. I’m Kate. Turn ons include IV drips, PETscans, and organic fig newtons. Turn offs include whining, hospital gowns, and artificial sugar.
Let’s see how much life I can squeeze in between work, chemo, sleep, and scans.
Mac vs. PC
Even though cancer is a part of my body, it isn’t mine. I didn’t wait in line for it like an amusement park ride. I didn’t sign any contract like a mortgage or car loan. And I certainly don’t remember asking Santa for it. It’s not mine, and, with the exception of this particular sentence, you will never hear me say ‘my cancer.’ That phrase connotes ownership and a sense of possession that I just can’t accept, but there are a lot of people out there who use it.
I’ve logged a lot of time lately looking at other cancer-related Web sites and blogs. There are so many courageous people who have put their stories out there and I am truly uplifted by their bravery and determination. My quest, beyond just educating myself, has been to find an appropriate name for this illness. I made a list consisting of other names I’ve found, but none of them have resonated with me.
I’ve seen SOB, b-i-otch, stupid kancer, and (my favorite) yellow-belly-lily-livered sapsucker.
Truth be told, I’ve struggled with this ever since I was diagnosed. Obviously, I don’t like using ‘my’ and I’m not too fond of using ‘the’ either. Saying ‘the cancer’ gives it a menacing quality and conjures up the image of the bad guy from the movie Scream. I tried calling it ‘the bastard,’ but that didn’t feel or sound right. Inspired by the Dixie Chicks song, I tried out ‘Earl.’ But I didn’t want to send any bad vibes to the Earls of the world.
For lack of anything more fitting or creative, I’ve been using PC, short for pancreatic cancer.
Now that I think about it, I actually like it. I’m reminded of the Mac commercials. Mac is cool, hip, funny, and smarter than PC. PC is slow, dim-witted, not to mention overweight, balding (no offense to the actor) and poorly dressed.
So I think I’ll stick with PC and, as an added bonus I think I just solved my Mike Tyson issue.
This blog is an unbelievable collection of powerful, moving writing. Please continue to post, and follow your co-worker’s advice to consider collecting these into a book.
I am so glad that you chose to share your blog with the Johns Hopkins online discussion board. I love your attitude and your writing is amazing. I look for people who have hope with the journey with PC, and you definitely have it! Today marks 18 months since my husband was diagnosed, and like you he is off having fun (elk hunting in CO.) and enjoying his life.
BTW, my husband was 38 when he was dx.
Thanks for posting your blog on the JHU board!
great blog! Keep up the great work
Thank you so much for writing about your life. I’m looking forward to reading future installments.
Genius! PC is the best name I’ve heard yet. I think it might even boot out “Cancer Sucks!” as my favorite phrase on the topic. Keep writing.
My heart pounds when I read your blog. Your choice of words is impeccable. Perhaps you have always had this talent, but pc has awakened your creative spirit and provided you with the energy, the nerve and the need to share your thoughts and stories with others. This is a gift and I thank you for sharing.
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