Hi. I’m Kate. Turn ons include IV drips, PETscans, and organic fig newtons. Turn offs include whining, hospital gowns, and artificial sugar.
Let’s see how much life I can squeeze in between work, chemo, sleep, and scans.
(just keep swimming)
I just started one of my favorite movies, Finding Nemo. This movie is guaranteed to lift me out of any funk. Dory, Crush, Marlin, and Gill are part of my official comic relief team. I know that when I call on them, they will rally around me and boost my mood. (You know for a clownfish, he really isn’t that funny.)
Okay, so what’s put me in a funk today?
A very small comment made by a very small person. (Hey. You guys made me ink.)
I was reading message boards this morning about Kris Carr’s TV special, Crazy Sexy Cancer. (You so totally rock, Squirt!) A few people didn’t like the title, but, for the most part, everyone loved it. With one exception. This person wrote ‘All I can say after seeing this show is…some people deserve cancer and everything that goes with it.’
Ouch, that hurt. To think that Kris, or any of us, did something to deserve this disease makes my insides ache. I feel ill. (Hey, no hurling on the shell, dude, ok? Just waxed it.)
What on earth did I do to deserve this?
Admittedly, I’m not a saint and I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m a Republican, but I can’t think of anything I’ve done to warrant cancer as a punishment. If you added up all of my transgressions, I would like to think that I’d fall somewhere in between indigestion and sinus infection area. (To the top of Mount Wanna-hock-a-loogie.)
I hate the fact that I’m letting this person’s comment affect me so deeply. It’s not like me to let one thoughtless statement get me down, but I can’t understand how he could watch Kris’ story and feel that she deserved cancer. To add to the confusion is the fact that this person is a cancer survivor. What did he do to deserve it? Does he think he’s innocent, one of the undeserved few?
Alternatively, when I was growing up, my mom would say that getting sick was a ploy to get attention. Could that really be true? Did my subconscious spur the growth of PC because of a need for attention? (Hold my fin, hold my fin!)
I don’t know why I have PC, but I simply can’t accept this rational either. What I can accept is that I was given PC for a reason and I need to find that reason…fast. Until I discover it, I’ll just keep writing and enjoying my life, family and friends. (We’re cheating death now, that’s what we’re doing, and we’re having fun at the same time.)
So the movie just ended, Nemo was found, and all is right with the underwater world again. As Dory and Marlin sang while navigating through the deadly jellyfish, I’ll (just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.)
Yes, just keep swimming! My mind is boggled by the idea that there are people out there with that kind of mentality to think that cancer, or any other major disease, is something deserved. My mother has PC. While she has not led a perfect life, and really, who has, she nor anyone else “deserves” this invader in their system!
I know that it cannot be easy to put that comment from your head, but please don’t let it reside there for long. Life’s too short to let another’s misconstrued thoughts dim the light of today. Hang in there & keep swimming.
Great blog, as always, Kate!
All I can say is I’m with you sista regarding that’ugly’ comment. I read it and was horrified and pretty pissed (can I say that :O). I was able to be politically correct (kindof) with my response, but then saw another offensive post by the same. And, let me tell you I don’t get angry much, but I, too, am so upset. Mean ppl S*&%!!!!
Well I’m bein a rambling gal now but I just wanted to chime in here. Guess I shouldn’t have given this the energy or attention this chump deserved. Maybe that’s it, it’s a cry for attention. There I feel better!
Don’t let the ugliness of some people touch your own amazing beauty. An old trick I use is to find a way to cast aside the part that hurts (You can’t touch the tentacles, only the tops…) - and try to extend your grace to the offender.
Turn the hatred into pity for someone whose view is so narrow and small, and who will never know your light.
CONGRATUALTIONS!!
You’re killing that ‘yellow-belly-lily-livered sapsucker’ with words from your voice within. We all recognize a “born writer” when we read your blog. You help us conjure up emotions we often deny, from disappointment and anger to excitement, healing and even laughter. How powerful to laugh at this disease as we survive. Miracles happen! Einstein also said: “There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Wow! I just watched the trailer and it brought tears to my macho eyes.
One thing that bothers me, Kate. I don’t understand why you must find the reason you got cancer. Does there have to be a reason?
Kate-A friend told me about your blog and what a gifted writer you are. I have to agree. Thank you for giving us all some things to think about and writing to appreciate.
I had ovarian cancer 12 years ago and am moved to respond to your post about the offensive comment on that other website. Maybe the person who wrote it feels unworthy that s/he survived cancer when so many others have not?
When I was diagnosed at age 33, many of my friends reacted by asking “Why you?” However, I never wondered, why me? I figured, why anyone? Why not me? It just happens to some of us and all we can do is fight it from that day forward, take control of what we can and live one day at a time by waking up and realizing: today I am living, I am not dying. Today I am alive. Kind of like the mantra just keep swimming, I guess.
You’ve done what you can with that ill-informed comment–given us all some food for thought. Now you can let it go and focus your thoughts on what counts in your life today.
Have they offered Rexin-G or immunotherapies?? These are the future of cancer therapy. Also, antiproton or carbon ion radiotherapy is MUCH better than conventional gamma rays.
God Bless
Doc Who Cares
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