Hi. I’m Kate. Turn ons include IV drips, PETscans, and organic fig newtons. Turn offs include whining, hospital gowns, and artificial sugar.
Let’s see how much life I can squeeze in between work, chemo, sleep, and scans.
Nine Words
(Okay, so I’m recycling something I wrote for PanCAN’s Web site. I’m just so tickled to see it on their site.)
Devastating.
One word to describe the overwhelming realization that PanCAN’s Survivor and Caregiver Network did not contain any volunteers who had metastases in all the same locations as I. I spent hours reading and rereading the inspirational stories for someone with a similar story. I checked daily, hoping to find that one person. I was, however, thrilled to talk to two incredible stage IV survivors in the Survivor and Caregiver Network and maintained the hope that I would one day be able to serve a resource for others.
Partial Remission.
Two words to describe my current status after eight months of treatment. The tumors, once ‘too numerous to count,’ are retreating. My liver and lymph nodes, clean. The tumors on my lungs and pancreas, shrinking. I allow myself to take comfort in this victory, knowing and understanding how fortunate I am to be alive.
Owning my Life.
Three words that describe me. I quickly realized it’s not about ‘finding a balance’ between my life and the tumors. It’s about throwing everything I love, everything wonderful in life, at cancer. Recognizing my fear and anger, and still finding the strength within to seek out my dreams. Squeezing as much life as possible in between blood work, appointments, treatment, and scans. Trying to live, laugh and love more than lament.
I am strong. I am fighting. I am surviving.
Nine words that have kept me alive.
My story isn’t about pancreatic cancer. It’s about living.
God Bless you!!
I started to say you have no idea how much this encourages me for my mother, but you do understand! With a CA 19-9 number over 100,000 and “too numerous to count” tumors it’s very hard to keep up hope. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can’t wait to tell Mom & will probably call her in a few minutes to let her know the great news.
I’ve been keeping her updated on your blogging, your life. That’s exactly what it is - your life.
Take care
Also, I’d love to hear how you are doing this. What chemos, vitamins, diet, etc. If you wouldn’t mind sharing.
Thanks!
jhdesigns@bellsouth.net
I’m so proud of you.
I just want to hug you!
Kate, your spirit is inspiring.
Dear knitforknot:
Thank you so much for your kind comments on my blog. I’m still a bit new at exposing everything in my life and your thoughtful words help to give me the confidence to continue writing.
As for my treatment, I started Gemzar less than thirty minutes after hearing the words pancreatic cancer (so much for second or third opinions). That was December 27, 2006 (thanks Santa!) and we added Tarceva and eventually Xeloda after my doctor was convinced that my body was okay on Gemzar - or maybe he was just sick of hearing me beg for more drugs to throw at the tumors. I can’t tell you how fortunate I feel that my body is tolerating and responding to the chemo regimen.
I did a lot of research on alternative medicines (including, but certainly not limited to, milkweed, mistletoe, potato and goji juice, etc.) but, after talking with my doctor, decided to avoid most of them because they could potentially interfere with my treatment. Eating has been difficult because my appetite decided to take an extended vacation. For several months I lived off of PopTarts and Velveeta Mac & Cheese. Eventually I woke up and realized that this crap was only making it harder for my body to fight, and, after more research, decided on a diet comprised mostly of veggies, especially the bright red and green ones. I drastically reduced my sugar and processed food intake and now drink nothing but water, green tea, and the occasional glass of wine. Almost everything I eat is organic and, when I do eat meat, I try to stick to hormone-free chicken. I recently added wheatgrass to my diet and try to drink 2-3 oz. everyday.
I also recommend yoga (or simple stretches), meditation/prayer, massage, pedicures, and lots of laughter. There are a few books that I highly recommend:
- Love, Medicine and Miracles by Bernie Siegel (seems to be required reading for cancer patients. Both you and your mom should read it ASAP)
- Lance Armstrong’s books (I love his ‘kick cancer’s ass’ attitude)
- Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Cancer (raw, edgy, but inspirational nonetheless - proceed with caution, some people feel she’s a bit too brutal)
I truly wish I had more advice to help your mom fight pc. When I was first diagnosed, someone close to me said ‘it’ll take a miracle, but we’ll get you through this.’ I know her intentions were in the right place, but I didn’t like the thought of waiting for my miracle. I’m doing everything I possibly can to make my miracle happen. Your mom should go with her gut - if she reads about some herb or treatment that resonates, she should go for it.
My last bit of advice is to call PanCAN ASAP and connect with a few of the survivors. Their treatments are all different and may not be applicable to your mom, but just hearing their voices gave me more strength.
(raising my mug of green tea) Here’s to your mom’s health and recovery.
Warm hug,
Kate
Kate,
I too am so very proud of you. Your strength, tenacity, and unwaivering positive spirit are an inspiration to us all. As a pc survivor, I know that each day is a “present”. We are here now, and that’s a gift.
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