Hi. I’m Kate. Turn ons include IV drips, PETscans, and organic fig newtons. Turn offs include whining, hospital gowns, and artificial sugar.
Let’s see how much life I can squeeze in between work, chemo, sleep, and scans.
Nestled
I love the word nestled. It conjures up images of down comforters, flannel pjs, and good books. It’s also very similar to Nestlé - makers of all things chocolate - need I say more?
Right now, I’m nestled nicely within my current chemo treatment. I’ve been on this schedule since December and it consists of an IV treatment of Gemzar (every Wednesday - two weeks on, one week off) and a pill called Xeloda (four daily - two weeks on, one week off). After nine weeks, I have PET/CT Scans to check on my progress.
Honestly, I’ve always been a little afraid of routine. I used to connect it with being stagnant or in a rut, but I must admit that this particular routine gives me a certain amount of comfort. It’s easy for me to say that because my body has been responding very positively to this treatment. There is a laundry list of possible side effects and I’m incredibly lucky that I only experience a little fatigue. In fact, today was one of those days where I just didn’t have the energy to get off of the couch.
Not only do I feel very fortunate, but I also feel very guilty. I read stories about other cancer patients who are suffering because of their side effects and I have to wonder what makes me so lucky. I’m almost ashamed to say that I look forward to my treatment on Wednesdays - I know the chemo is making me better and, let’s face it, I enjoy having the day off work.
As comfortable as I am in this routine, I understand that there may come a time when this chemo will stop working and I’ll need to change treatments. Chances are that my body won’t be as tolerant to the new chemo. So, with that in mind, I’ll try to enjoy being nestled in my current treatment schedule and remind myself that it is possible to find comfort in a routine.
I have similar feelings about oncology treatments, despite my having gone into anaphylactic shock with less than 2cc of taxol on my first treatment. Notions of routine have changed, and recycled, over the years; I continue to seek a balance.
The Nestle Company almost ruined the word nestle for me. I’m currently using the word ‘ensconced,’ you’ve made it time to reconsider the word ‘nestled’… Thank you for that.
Nestle has been on our boycott list since 7/4/77. Details can be found on Wickipedia. FWIW, there were better sources of chocolate then; there are even more sources today. While I am well aware that much changes in thirty years, today’s execs were young then and just have better learned how to cover their tracks. *shrugs*
Please know that I am normally not political on blogs. I am actually reticent to post this information, but then I remember the words of poet and philosopher George Santayana: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
-dp
Wow, does this resonate with me. I was nestled into two different chemo treatments for 16 months. In September, we decided it was time for a break — a “drug holiday,” as they call it. Almost to the day that I began the break, I started to feel unbelievably anxious and very low. This was the first time since my diagnosis that I wasn’t doing anything to treat the disease (stage 4 islet cell cancer). This week, I found out that the treatment had not yet stopped working when I started the break, and that I’ll probably be able to resume treatment once we decide that the break is over. (In fact, one of my drugs is Xeloda, and like you, my only side effect is fatigue.) Only now am I able to relax a little and enjoy my time off chemo. I never thought one of my biggest wishes would be to be able to stay nestled in chemo forever!
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