Hi. I’m Kate. Turn ons include IV drips, PETscans, and organic fig newtons. Turn offs include whining, hospital gowns, and artificial sugar.
Let’s see how much life I can squeeze in between work, chemo, sleep, and scans.
Lucky the frog
He’s been through a lot with me. I strangled him when I had a panic attack during my liver biopsy. I woke up from my endoscopy to find that he had been given a smiley face band-aid. Four CT scans, numerous PET scans, two endoscopies, one colonoscopy - he’s been with me through them all.
I seriously considered changing his name after I heard the words ‘pancreatic cancer.’ Jinx or Curse seemed more appropriate. I didn’t have the heart to go through with it and, looking at him sitting on the packing crates, I know that he is indeed Lucky.
Let me rewind a few months. It’s December 18th and I’m sitting in a meeting about the new office building. Someone is complaining about the cube size. Someone else is concerned about having a longer commute. For ninety excruciating minutes I sat there quietly, dumbfounded by the fact that, in all likelihood, I wouldn’t be alive to pack up my desk and move to the new building. I was a cancer newbie, still digesting my diagnosis. Someone said the move was only eleven months away - a lifetime away to me.
So here we are, November 29th (almost a year later!) and Lucky is helping me pack up my cube. I actually put him inside a crate, next to my stapler. When I started to close the lid, he looked up at me in disbelief. His eyes said it all. How could I possibly treat him like an ordinary desk accessory when he helped me get through the roughest months of my life? As you can see, I decided to that he was too precious to be packed away.
The point of my story is simply this:
My coworkers are thrilled about the new building, but I know their excitement doesn’t compare to the pure joy that I feel when I think about it. Lucky and I have been through a lot this year and I know he’s going to be happy in his new home.
Lucky the Frog. Brian was given a frog by his dad and stepmom just after his diagnosis. They said that he stood for hope because a FROG is
Fully Relying On God. He still sits next to our bed, though our kids try to steal him often. He wears a gold medal on his chest, almost as though he knew Brian would be a winner.
Good luck Kate, I hope you keep winning too and I’m glad you got to see your new cubicle.
Hope. Believe. Dream.
Sheryl
To my darling younger sister,I found your site a couple of months ago and have been checking in from time to time.I’ve wanted to reply to your posts but didn’t believe that I should. Kate,I think what you are doing here is commendable.Your ability to share your courage and honest feelings with others is inspiring.As far as lucky the frog goes,always keep him by your side and remember that you are not alone in this.Although we may not talk as much as we should, there is not a moment that I am not thinking of you.I know that what you are doing here is helping more people then you can imagine.Also I wanted to let you know that I love you with all my heart and pray for you daily.
Keep the faith
Steve
Hi Kate,
Found your website by your post on PanCan and have visited your blog a few times today.
I am a 32 yr old mom with recent “incidental findings”, a 2.2 cm neuroendocrine tumor on my pancreas and a “suspicious mass” on liver. The past 2 wks have been pretty crazy with all of the unknowns but having done an EUS-FNA earlier this week then hearing so far it looks like it will come back “undiagnostic” is just…well, frustrating. Next week the Octreatide Scans and liver biopsy but not sure if the week will end with more of the same (unknowns). At this point it appears to probably be non-functioning and I read the stupid statistics on malignancy, so I am bracing myself…not really, but am trying to figure out how one would if they could.
I know endocrine tumors are “rare” so not sure where to find others who are out there sharing their experience and hope online but since you probably know your way around the cyber world with this stuff, I thought I’d ask if you could suggest any websites.
By the way, love your blog, your honesty and strength, it gives me hope should I have to face the cancer fight.
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