Hi. I’m Kate. Turn ons include IV drips, PETscans, and organic fig newtons. Turn offs include whining, hospital gowns, and artificial sugar.
Let’s see how much life I can squeeze in between work, chemo, sleep, and scans.
Epiphany
Usually a doctor recommends a port-o-cath as soon as a patient is diagnosed, but that didn’t happen to me. It took an epiphany. The fact that my doctor didn’t mention it reinforces the scary statistics that are attached to stage IV pancreatic cancer. Of course, I could have asked my doctor about it. That would have been the smart thing to do, but something was holding me back. I wasn’t being stubborn or vain. Frankly, I was afraid to acknowledge that I would have cancer long term. There was something about getting a port that made the cancer feel permanent. It’s absurd, I know, but that’s essentially what a port meant to me.
Well, after a year of weekly blood work and treatments, I had my epiphany. I finally realized that having a port didn’t mean that I was giving up my hope for remission. It meant that I was finally able to look at my diagnosis and accept that I’m in it for the long haul.
Living long term, with or without cancer, is my goal and it’s about time I start making decisions with that goal in mind. Epiphany aside, this is a huge step for me and I almost feel a little bit more grown up for having made it.
Bravo to you Kate. I have been anxiously checking your blog to see how you’re doing and am so happy to hear you are fighting on. You’ve managed to jump one more hurdle in the race. Keep going!
Good girl. Good decision. Certainly not any sort of a surrender….. rather a (you said it!) grownup decision to ditch the needle sticks and the threading IVs.
I check your blog frequently, cheering you on from the frozen Northeast. (Well, not so frozen right now…. we’ve had some rain, so our 2+ feet of snow is now about a foot of sullenly soaked snowmass.)
Keep on keepin’ on, girlfriend.
Dorothy
Kate - I have been reading your blog for a while now and must admit you are one of the most inspirational people out there. Your focus, determination, humor and well written blog are all awesome. Keep focused on beating cancer. I wish you all the best in the new year. LIVESTRONG!
Kate: You are one of the most amazing individuals I know. Even though we haven’t met, I feel like I have known you a lifetime. Your willpower and the determination you have is awesome. I check your web page daily and ask Rod about you if you haven’t had a chance to post anything. I hope somebody in the family is capturing all of this as you are a true inspiration to all of us.
Remember you have a huge number of friends, family and even those of us that have never met you, praying for you. We are behind you 100%. Keep on moving forward. Show this “varmint” you are determined to beat it.
Remember, we love you!!
Kate,
Stay strong — you are an inspiration to many of us who don’t even know you. And keep up the positive attitude!
Terri
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