Hi. I’m Kate. Turn ons include IV drips, PETscans, and organic fig newtons. Turn offs include whining, hospital gowns, and artificial sugar.
Let’s see how much life I can squeeze in between work, chemo, sleep, and scans.
Mules
‘She’s mule-headed, stubborn enough to make it through this.’
Once her mind was made up, that was it, game over. She dug her heels in and wouldn’t budge. That was my mom. She was stubborn, bull-nosed, mule-headed…the list goes on and on. It served it well in life - she was rarely refused anything. It was simply easier to say yes to her because you knew you would eventually. However, I’ll never understand why, when faced with cancer, my mom decided not to fight. Her stubbornness, once an asset, became a glaring liability. I watched her accept her fate with seemingly open arms. Instead of stubbornly fighting cancer, she stubbornly refused treatment. Nothing I said would have changed her mind. I believe I inherited my stubbornness from my mom. Unfortunately, I think I also inherited a freak cancer gene from her as well.
Stubbornness has helped people in times of crisis and most would agree that it is indeed a blessing when you’re facing cancer. My mule-like attitude has given me the strength to persevere through a year filled with challenges and disappointments. While I’m very thankful to have this mule-like trait, I realized this weekend that it’s also a curse. I spent a good majority of time on Saturday raking leaves. These weren’t those wonderfully light and fluffy leaves from early fall. No, these were the limp, soggy ones that continuously clog the leaf blower. While it felt incredible to be energetic once again, I’m paying for it now. I am beyond sore.
While filling my sixth lawn bag, a thought occurred to me: I need to learn how to ask for help (Wow - that was hard to admit). I have plenty of friends and family who would be more than happy to lend a hand, but my stubbornness keeps me from accepting their help. Maybe I associate it with weakness, like I’m admitting that cancer is starting to affect my life. Or maybe doing things for myself helps me stay in control. Whatever the case, it’s blatantly obvious that I need help (ouch - still hard to say). I’m going to try to silence my inner mule and accept help when help is offered. Beginning today, I’m going to start asking for help. So, consider this your warning. Friends, family, strangers on the street: Be sure your offer is sincere and don’t be surprised if I accept your offer by thrusting a paint brush in your face.
PS: My platelets are really struggling these days (Mine: 11,000/Normal 150,000). I wasn’t able to have the port procedure and have also missed a few treatments because my numbers are so low. I’ve had two platelet transfusions, and, for the second transfusion, it took The Red Cross several days to find a match. Please, please, please consider donating your platelets to The Red Cross. Cancer patients around the country need your platelety goodness!
From painting to platelets and anything in between (as long as it starts with a P), just ask away!
P.S. I’m not painting your whole house, though. You can hire a contractor for that!
Sign me up! You know whatever you need we are here for you!! Love you!
I’m here Kate — please let me help too.
this is a beautiful post, and it represents everything that makes you *you* - strength in the face of uncertainty, honesty, thoughtful introspection, directness, a call to action, and a certain ineffable muleness.
Kate,
Remember after my car accident, when I could not lift or push anything even remotely heavy? I do. And I remember very clearly that you regularly picked me up, took me to the grocery store, pushed the cart for me, lifted everything in and out of it, and carried my groceries into my house when I couldn’t.
So, just ask — I’m ready to help!
Darling you know your family is there for you every step of the way. We want to take your lead and please ask away. Anything I can do will be done to the best of my ability! I’ve never been more proud of anyone! You have such inner & outer strength and beauty.
Please ask away!
We’re glad you realize that you can’t do this alone. We’re here for you whether its painting, scrubbing, dusting or just being by your side. You have exhibited courage and strength beyond what we thought was possible. We’re proud to call you daughter, Keep fighting and please ask. Love You
Kate,
Anything, anytime, anywhere. We might not be right next door, but if you need anything, please just ask.
Love,
Amy and Steve
p.s. I will have Steve e-mail you some pics of him with his freshly shaved head. (see our comment on your last posting).
Kate,
I can’t do much beyond riding a horse, making a drink and cooking a mean lasagna. But I’d try anything for you…seriously. I’m sorry it took me so long to find you and Tim again…but I sure am glad I did.
Heart,
Carrie.
Kate - As I read this post I started to reflect and then laugh. I was the same way after my surgery. I was ordered NOT to do anything for 2 weeks, but on day 5 (one day after being able to walk down my stairs) I was mowing my front lawn. I did it one handed as I could not really put pressure on my right side. I thought I could do it all, but realized afterwards that was a very stupid move as I slightly popped open my incision which caused one heck of a pain. I too learned that asking for help is not a bad thing. You are doing the right thing. Take care of yourself and know your family and friends will be there for you.
LIVESTRONG!
Brian Dowd
Kate,
I don’t know you, but my life has been affected by PC “big time”. A brief history and, then, to my point. My father died of PC in 1969, my brother was diagnosed April 06 and passed away of PC in Jan 2007. Because of my brother’s diagnosis, I went to a surgeon who is conducting PC research and was tested. I had IPMNs in my pancreas so I elected to have my pancreas removed to remove any chance of PC! My brother saw me on my way to good health and then he passed away. During my surgery and recovery period, I had a friend who would do anything I asked of her and I did ask a lot. But, now, she is laid up and won’t let anyone help her! That, to me, is a one sided friend ship! She will be a friend, but doesn’t want a friend to help her and repay her kindness. I think that is very selfish. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! Your friends and family WANT to do this for you because they love you and can’t think of a better way to repay you!
My prayers and thoughts are with you all the way in your fight. Hope, fight, believe!
Dorothy
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