Hi. I’m Kate. Turn ons include IV drips, PETscans, and organic fig newtons. Turn offs include whining, hospital gowns, and artificial sugar.
Let’s see how much life I can squeeze in between work, chemo, sleep, and scans.
ASS-U-ME
Tim and I exchanged puzzled looks and the doctor, sensing our confusion, repeated the question. ‘What did you do?‘ At first I thought it was rhetorical - as in what did I do to get cancer - but then I realized he was asking a fairly routine question. Looking back at it, the question itself wasn’t that confusing, it was the tense. There I was, wrapped in one of those Tyvek envelops they call a gown, glaring at the doctor because he used the past tense.
It wasn’t the doctor’s fault. I know most people in my position would quit their jobs, travel the world, blah, blah, blah…but, I was rather annoyed that he made the assumption that I wasn’t working anymore. I wonder what other assumptions people have made about me, or about cancer patients in general.
I’ve seen my fair share of assumptions and, after searching online, found that I’m not alone. I understand how easy it is to make assumptions and, before I was diagnosed, I was guilty of making a few myself when it came to cancer patients. So, in an effort to help all you non-carcinoma folks out there, I thought I’d start a list of assumptions that I’ve either experienced or observed over the past year. Just remember - When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.
- Type of cancer: A lot of people assume I have breast cancer - I guess that’s because I have breasts. I get that a few times a week and still have yet to come up with a witty response (any suggestions?).
- Depression: Despite the stockpile of anxiety meds, I don’t think I’m depressed. I have the occasional meltdown, but for the most part, I think I’m in a good place. Maybe that’s the denial talking.
- Pity Compliment: I despise pity compliments. ‘At least you look cute in hats.‘ Thanks, but I looked cuter with hair. Just a bit of advice, try to avoid using ‘at least‘ when giving a compliment.
- Gifts: Don’t assume that presents need to be more profound or meaningful because I have cancer. I still love chocolate and jewelry.
- Hair loss: I went a year without losing my hair. Don’t make the assumption that someone wearing a ‘F*ck Cancer’ shirt doesn’t have the right to wear it because she has a full head of hair.
- Restaurants: Please don’t make me pick the restaurant because you think I have an aversion to a certain food. I hated making the restaurant choice before cancer, and I still hate it. I’ll let you know if something doesn’t sound good.
- Cancer Questions: Don’t assume that I don’t want to talk about cancer. If you’re comfortable talking about it, then so am I. Talking about it actually provides some sense of comfort for me, so don’t be bashful - if you have any questions, just ask me.
Please note - While based in truth, these are meant to be light-hearted. Please don’t take any of them personally - they aren’t based on any one situation.
I love your hats and I think we should go get some pasta on Thursday.
Yeah, Kate. This is your best post ever. As the least politically correct and most crass person you have had the priviledge of knowing, you know I love your message here. As for suggestions when someone assumes you have breast cancer, I would suggest you whip them out and say, “Do these look sick to you?”
I think your favorite coworker’s suggestion sounds like a terrific response to the question.
Absolutely fantastic, and now I know I can suggest Thai for our next lunch.
I love the response of your favorite coworker, that would be so HILARIOUS just to do it once! Can you imagine?
I really enjoyed this one and have been looking forward to hearing from you again.
Quack, quack Kate!
Sheryl
Hi Kate ~ Good to see your post — another winner! Funny how ppl make assumptions. My eye doc assumed I had breast cancer after reviewing the health screening form where I checked the C-word. I was in shock b/c I thought *Why on earth would he make that statement?* and *Why would he even try to assume what type of cancer I had?*
Thanks to your witty co-worker, I look back and should have flipped him my girls and said, “Do YOU need to have your eyes examined??
(P.S. I am in no way being disrespectful to anyone who has breast cancer).
Anyway….hope things are goin’ well for ya
Great to hear from you again… and perfect picture!
Absolutely! I really like this post, Kate, and I’m glad that I’ve met you! There’s got to be some really good responses to #1… I’m not sure, what, exactly, but it’s got to end with a “whew, thank goodness they’re still okay!”
Because they’re of so much USE for 98% of our lives, you know.
But anyway. I love your motto and your website and hope that you’re having a good day!
Just found your blog through Twitter & Preppydude. It is amazing. Thanks for your informative writing. I really needed to read it & will continue.
Kate, I am a pancreatic cancer survivor, had surgery 1 year ago January. Wanted to let you know…I’m getting married this Sat, 2/23. Who knows what the future holds, but I intend to live my life to the fullest!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with me.
Kate,
I love your blog. I just found it through toddlerplanet.
I got a real good laugh from you list. I feel the same way.
I was diognosed a month ago with breast cancer. Two weeks ago I had my surgery. I am resting up and will start my chemo in 4 weeks.
I am new to blogging but really like it. I find it very therapeutic. I will keep checking in to see what you are up to.
Sarah S.
So when are we going to Cava?
I love this post most of all. I too have Pancreatic Cancer. I am a very young (immature) 46 y/o female with the mentality of a 20 y/o. Which, I think is a good thing now. Helps me deal with this better.
I am also glad you chose the “temporary’ fix. We dont’ know whats around the corner. Some brainiac scientist might be working wee hours into the night on some magic potion for PC. I can see it now, some garage, east coast no doubt; bubbles, smoke, potions, wires, dry ice, I see it in my mind. It could happen.
Gotta have hope
Love KiKi
I
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