Strong. Fighting. Surviving.

I was sitting on the marble bar at the beautiful Pazo Restaurant in Baltimore, MD. I grabbed another glass of champagne, shared a toast with my two new friends, and sang along to Leaving Las Vegas.

I met nine other cancer survivors that night. We compared port scars, shared bald stories, and debated about who will win American Idol. We representated all types of cancers - lymphoma, brain, breast, but cancer wasn’t the only thing we had in common. We were all under the age of 40. We don’t fit in pediatrics or geriatrics and, because of this, doctors aren’t exactly sure how to handle us.

We got all dolled up, hit the town of Baltimore, and partied late into the night. Okay, so it was 10pm, but that’s late for me these days. I could spend the next hour telling you about the event - the food, the people, the music. You’d probably think that the highlight of the evening was when I got to meet and chat with Sheryl Crow on her tour bus. While that was very cool and certainly something I’ll remember for the rest of my life, it wasn’t the highlight of the night.

The event, One Night, One Fight, was sponsored by the Ulman Cancer Fund. They are one of the few organizations dedicated to supporting the needs of young adults with cancer. There are only a handful of such organizations -I’m Too Young For This! Cancer Foundation and Planet Cancer are two others. They realized that there was an entire population of cancer patients who were slipping through the cracks simply because we weren’t the right age when we were diagnosed. Everything they do is geared for people my age. Instead of depressing support groups, they have happy hours, bowling nights, and incredible concerts.

It’s no surprise that I wish that this would all go away, that somehow I could magically be normal again. In fact, I’ve had a few meltdowns where that’s all I’ve said - I just want to be normal again. I want to experience the usual ups and downs of a typical 35-year old.  Be able to make dinner plans without a caveat that it depends on how I’m feeling. Never having to worry about my CA 19-9, platelet levels, or oxygen diffusion rates again.

So, there I was, still sitting on the bar. Sheryl Crow started to play the few bars of Strong Enough, one of my favorites. I immediately recognized it and started to sing along. I looked around at the audience and realized that I actually felt like I belonged here. I felt like I fit in and had finally found a home in the cancer community. More than that, really, I felt normal for the first time in fifteen months. I felt young, energetic, and healthy (and a little tipsy). For most of the night, I was just one of the crowd, enjoying good cocktails and great conversation.

Meeting Sheryl Crow was an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I thank the Ulman Cancer Fund for making that happen, but I feel indebted to them for giving me more than that…for letting me feel like one of the crowd, even if it was just for one night.