Strong. Fighting. Surviving.

Assignment #1: listen to Matchbox Twenty’s song, 3am.

If you’re like me, you’re drawn to this song for it’s passion and honest account of a couple’s relationship during a difficult period in time. Like a good story-teller, the singer presents us with a difficult memory that is only slightly altered by the passage of time. Originally, I thought this song was about lost love, a woman feeling lonely and despondent in the middle of the night because her husband, boyfriend, whatever, has left her alone.

Assignment #2: Read below

Lead singer Rob Thomas wrote this song about the time he spent caring for his mother when she was going through chemotherapy. He was 12-years old when she was first diagnosed and given a mere six months to live. By the time he reached 17-years old, she was in remission and he was able to move on with live his life. This song, one of their first big hits, emphasizes the impact that his mother’s cancer had on his life.

This little bit of information drastically changed how I thought about the song. The lovers’ quarrel was replaced by the pervasive knowledge and accepance of one’s own mortality. She wasn’t despondent bacause of a lost lover, but rather because of her lost life. Below are a few of the lyris and my thoughts on how they relate to the cancer journey. Please note that these are only my thoughts and should be taken as such.

She says it’s cold outside and she hands me my raincoat
She’s always worried about things like that

Despite cancer, she’s first and foremost a mother and clings to her motherhood tendencies as a way of seeking normalcy during a turbulent period in her life.

And she only sleeps when it’s raining
And she screams and her voice is straining.

Rain, the recurrent theme, brings his mother comfort, a cleansing of her body and mind; however, it’s not enough to completely dampen her fear

She says baby
It’s 3 am I must be lonely
When she says baby
Well I can’t help but be scared of it all sometimes
Says the rain’s gonna wash away I believe it

She’s lonely, finding the early morning hours especially isolating, and turns to her young son for companionship and support. She believes that rain has the power to heal her and, despite being full of fear, believes her.

She’s got a little bit of something, God it’s better than nothing
And in her color portrait world she believes that she’s got it all.

Despite her struggle, she clings to a small piece of hope and feels fortunate to be surrounded by her family and friends.

She swears the moon don’t hang quite as high as it used to
And she only sleeps when it’s raining
And she screams and her voice is straining.

As sure as there are moments of optimism and hope, there also those of despair and fear. Nothing, not even the moon, looks the same to her.

And the clock on the wall has been stuck at three for days, and days
She thinks that happiness is a mat that sits on her doorway
But outside, it’s stopped raining.

His mother is held hostage by time and plagued by its slow passage, but despite it all, she tries hard to maintain an optimistic facade for others. In the final line, the singer notes that the comforting rain has stopped, leaving us wondering about his mother’s fate.