“The Call”

Same day service is great when it comes to things like dry cleaning or shoe repair. It’s not so great when it comes to test results. I learned early on that no news is definitely good news. The more time that passes in between taking a test and receiving the results, the better. While being diagnosed, I would sometimes get “the call” within a matter of hours.
Of course, there are other aspects to my theory. In my experience, typically
• if a nurse calls on behalf of the doctor, then it’s good news.
• if the doctor makes the call in person, it’s bad news.
• if the doctor calls and won’t go into details over the phone, then it’s very bad news.
• if the doctor calls your emergency contact person before calling you, then it’s very, very bad news.
• and finally, if the doctor calls on Christmas Eve while at Dulles airport, waiting to board his flight to the Caribbean, then you know you’re in serious trouble.
I had another MRI this afternoon and I know that if my phone rings tomorrow morning or early afternoon, there’s a good chance that I have something very scary growing on my spine. According to my calculations, if my doctor doesn’t call by Wednesday afternoon, then I might be okay.
So I’m sitting here, staring at my phone, hoping it doesn’t ring. In fact, I hope it doesn’t ring until late Friday afternoon. When I answer it, I hope it’s the nurse calling and she’s at happy hour, drinking a margarita.
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I’ll be honest, I’ve had a rough week and it’s not over yet. I spent most of the week in the hospital with unexplained stomach and back pain. As I sit here, I’m no longer able to hide my fear and anxiety. It could be anything - arthritis, fluid build-up, scar tissue - but I won’t find out more until tomorrow.