Cheers!
I’ll be honest, I’ve had a rough week and it’s not over yet. I spent most of the week in the hospital with unexplained stomach and back pain. As I sit here, I’m no longer able to hide my fear and anxiety. It could be anything – arthritis, fluid build-up, scar tissue – but I won’t find out more until tomorrow.
I’ve been crying so much this afternoon that I think I’m at risk of dehydration, so I’ve decided to try a different approach. Taking a cue from one of my favorite bloggers, Obsessed With Life, I’m going to focus my attention on the positive things that happened this week. Here’s just a sampling:
First and foremost – I’m so grateful to the Thaxton clan for coming to our rescue last Saturday. For those who don’t know, Tim’s family invaded our house and spent the entire day doing housework. They pulled and trimmed shrubs, scrubbed windows, power-washed siding, organized and cleaned our garage – the list goes on and on…they basically did an entire summer’s worth of work in one day. A huge thank you goes to Rod, Kim, Kari, David, Daniel, Monti, Pam, Todd, Sydney, Sammi, and Ed. You guys rock!
I’m grateful to the wonderful nurses and doctors who helped me this week.
I’m so happy to come home to Tim, Remy, Charlie, and their unconditional love.
I’m thankful that the weather is warming up and that my kayak is on sale this week.
And, last, but not least, I’m very grateful for this Blue Moon Belgian White beer…cheers!
May 2nd, 2008 saat: 4:59 am
If you don’t start calling me when this stuff happens, I’ll give you something to be afraid of!!
I hope you’re home today and feeling better. For the love of all that’s holy, girl, send up a smoke signal or something when you need a hand or a shoulder to lean on. You know I’ll jump.
Love you!!!!!
May 2nd, 2008 saat: 6:51 am
Kate, your story really touches me. I hope everything works out ok. Just curious…what state do you live in? I know you were in Maryland before, is that were you’re located? I had my PC surgery at Johns Hopkins, and they did an excellent job. And yes….keep focusing on the positive things in your life. That’s what I try to do every day. Most of this treatment stuff is out of your control, so it’s very important to keep a positive attitude. And thanks again for sharing your experiences with us.
May 2nd, 2008 saat: 8:07 am
I Kate. You don’t know me, but I wish I knew you. I stumbled across your blog by accident really, but I come back everyday to check to see if you have posted any updates. I find you so courageous and such an inspiration to woman, even those not battling a life-threatening disease. I have lost 2 loved ones to PC, both within a year of each other, and the strength and determination you possess is just awesome. Hang in there and fight with all your might to beat this thing. I wish I was closer to be able to help out. My prayers are with you and yours.
May 2nd, 2008 saat: 9:41 am
I found your blog on PanCan. I keep up with several blogs of PC survivors since my mom passed away last September after a 9 week fight against PC.
Thanks for blogging…you’re helping ablot of people who have been touched by this horrible disease.
May 3rd, 2008 saat: 11:40 am
They say there are no coincidences, I also have a life threatening illness. I have spent most of my time helping other people and I have often left myself last on the list. You are an inspiration to me. When I surfed the web this past week I keep searching for God to hear me or for me to find God. I know he/she is out there on the web. Then I found your website. Every time I share what I go through people say welcome to the real world, my response, BUT I want to change the real world. I wish I had a cure for you I would send it to you right now. I wish you never never had to suffer, ever. I wish I could change the world. Your message is great, LIVE, each day, and for gods sake stop judging each other out there. I wish you to be surrounded by love all the time and thank you for trying to WAKE this world up! So many people are complaining about their lives, and how many of them went outside to find somone to give hope to. How many people are there when you dont say you need them, they just know without you saying any thing. Thank you for giving me hope and thank you for knowing without me saying anything.
May 3rd, 2008 saat: 11:44 pm
Hey, Kate :
I was worried about you this week. I asked about you often.
Did I mention that I kayak and am ready to join you on the river or at Black Hills at the drop of a hat?
I also have access to other kayaks so you have no excuse, even if you don’t hurry and buy one.
May 4th, 2008 saat: 1:17 pm
Kate…Hi there. I just received the most recent Navigator Newsletter and read your story in there…I was stunned to hear of your cancer. I don’t even know where you’re living now or what else has been going on in your life for the many, many years since we played volleyball together, so it’s a little strange to be writing this, but I wanted to let you know I’m thinking about you and will be cheering you on in your fight! I’ve added you to my Twitter to keep up with you there. Warm thoughts your way! -Katie Cannon
May 4th, 2008 saat: 9:42 pm
From one PC’er to anothe, put your mind in a positive place; think outside the box; do lots of pretending, you know, like when we were children and could dream, be and make believe anything and everything. That’s how I am getting through it right now.
I am 48 with the mentality of a 20 year old (maybe under at times). I refuse to grow up I think this is helping me deal. Egnoriance really is bliss. I just got back from a visit to JHU in Baltimore. But, while in MD I camped up on the MD/Pen line at the most beautiful camping areeas. First a state park with all kinds of hiking, wild life, wild flowers, rivers, fishing, kayaking and just plain relaxing by the fire at night. We then camped at a place called Morris Meadows another beautiful place were we looked down everyday at the farms below us, enjoyed tons of deer while hiking everyday (well not everyday). I was able to fight through the fear and forget about it while in the woods – pretend – play make believe. The animals did not know I had cancer, nor did they stare at my skinny ‘crack addict’ looking body with no butt. No judgment on me this week. I was able to bring my doggies with me and this made my week. Oh, I forgot to mention that I live in Florida so this was an absolutely “amazing” trip for me. Yes, there were days I was not well. Days we started out and had to return to the camper so I could lay down – sometimes for the entire day. But I had to put my mind in another place, hard to explain it. Well, here is one thing I do that might explain it. When I have my CT’s or MRI’s I shut my eyes and pretend I am Jane Fonda in that old movie Barbarella – Sort of a sci-fi action movie if I am remembering right. I pretend I am an actress, Jane Fonda in that movie for CT’s and MRI’s and this gets me through these tests that I sooo hate. While hiking I pretend I am lost in this vast wonderfully beatuful and peaceful place – free of all things “medical” lol. I hope this helps you. Another thing I do is at night I visualize little tiny menin white painters outfits inside me painting my insides and areas that hurt. They are working like the dickens painting and rolling everything inside me an Indigo Blue color. I read somewhere that blue is a good healing color. I have never been able to see their faces and I don’t think it matters. For some weird reason, this sooths me right to sleep at times. I never was one to count sheep lol.
Kate take you’r mind to other places.
Love Kiki
May 5th, 2008 saat: 3:08 pm
Kate, I think you Rock! Just remember that those tears help get the toxins out and are healing. A good cry in the shower is my favorite, I picture all the bad stuff and sorrow and grief flowing down the drain with the water. And that Blue Moon sounds the best!
Cheryl
May 6th, 2008 saat: 11:27 pm
Kate – I’m writing in behalf of my wife. Not that she can’t write, but I feel compelled to write a note. First of all, I want you to know that I really like Blue Moon Belgian too, as my daughter and I (she’s 21 now) had a few of them this past weekend. My young and beautiful wife Sue has a PETscan tomorrow morning. We celebrated 18 months of her surviving PC this weekend. Despite some poor test results from last week, she still remains optomistic. I like your guidelines above, because her Dr. hasn’t called us yet, even though the specialist told us the results last Wednesday of one of the ‘scope’ tests. We are thinking of you and talked about you on our long drive to our sons graduation at Washington State University last Saturday – we were lucky to get away to it ! Visit her site at http://susan-can-help.blogspot.com. Walter.
May 17th, 2008 saat: 2:57 pm
Wow-I just saw this-Thanks so much for the shoutout!!!! I’m looking forward to reading your blog
.
May 27th, 2008 saat: 2:55 pm
Hi Kate – I was diagnosed with stage IV pancan with liver mets in early March. I’m finishing up round 3 of Gemzar and Tarceva. A lot of what you said in your blog (which I just found today from the PanCan site) resonates strongly with me. I am 52 years old and didn’t drink or smoke, and I’ve been through enough life-changing physical challenges in the past few years that I cockily thought I’d had my share and wouldn’t have any more. I will have a CT scan after this week to see if the pictures match the numbers which started with a CA19-9 of 9000 and is now 57. I’m hopeful, as is my Dr. I didn’t get a port at first because I didn’t know if I would be around long enough to really need it. But, if my scan shows that this will be my way of life for the near (and hopefully not so near future), I will get a port installed. I wish you well and if you want to know more about me check out my blog http://jrzfinaljourney.blogspot.com/. If you want to email, it’s jrsilverstar@msn.com